Wed Jul 30, 2008 11:47 am
So what do I do?
Well, here's the story.
My parents are going through a divorce. I have two brother, one older and one younger. My older brother is a full-time student, my younger, going into the third grade.
My mother is super depressed, and I'm the only one who supports her. I talk her down I cheer her up, and I even rub her back when her back hurts.
My father is a hard working man who is sometimes a bit... off track... and doesn't do things perfect I guess you could say.
So they are fed up with each other and splitting. My mom says it's because of his abuse, my father, because he can't stand her. Even though he's tried to help fix it multiple times yet she is unwilling to back down.
I out of my two bothers am the only one trying, willing, and prepared to work. Which, I have been trying to get a job for a while now, but to no avail due to my age and places not needing help.
My mom has sold things on Ebay and it turned out bad between us. She'd blame me and say I never helped her and she had to wait for me when in reality I was waiting for her to pick what to sell and start writing descriptions, as she's not tech savvy. Well, instead of working with me and writing descriptions and getting stuff prepared, she'd blame me and say how I should go out with camera in hand and ask her what she wanted to sell. If that were the case I'd have to wait for her to find her stuff, grab it out, take pictures, re-size the pictures, write the descriptions, host the images to get around them costing more and then posting the listing, then print out the address and receipts of her transactions. And yes, it's happened before.
So we have fought about it before, as I hate feeling used by my own mother. However she's never learned. So for "the past week" I guess she has been saying that we should get stuff on Ebay so she can have some extra money for food and such. Well, I didn't have a problem with it. I told her, "Ok, get out what you want, start the descriptions, and then I can get it on the computer." Yet she never did a thing.
So today she began to fly off of her depressed handle and just go off saying how I do nothing for her and so on. I ignore it for a while, trying to not start trouble but she begins finding me and taking it out on me and how I never support her, and I am never there for her, regardless of the times I helped pull her through and try to make her feel ok.
At this time I just in the shower to try and just clear my head, but all that I can do is break down at how sad my life is. I mean hell, Ebay of all things is causing trouble.
After cleaning up I come out to her consistent ranting and raving, sadly not the cool raving, and she begins to keep going off on me. So I finally snap.
I in an angry stupor begin to fight back verbally, trying to explain that it was her I was waiting for, and that I shouldn't have to do things alone. However she just keeps putting me down and expressing how I never help her and so on and on and on and on and on...
On we go, yapping and so on but she just won't get it through her head. So finally I begin to break down and I start trying to explain that I am going through a lot too, saying how she's not the only one who is stressed, and she's not the only one who can't sleep and that she's not the only one sad and scared, all of which she is rolling her eyes to. Finally I say, "You're not the only one who feels pain and wishes they could die." To which she replies "Shhh Branden, just SHHHHHH. Whatever."
At this point my head and heart ache like I had been hurt, yet she continues to never understand that it's not that I don't want to help her with Ebay, and it not that I don't want to help around the house, it's just that I'm stressed and I don't want to feel like I'm alone doing everything. To which she replies how she is alone and has no one. Which, really really hurts me because I've been there for her my entire life, helping my father so he wouldn't take his anger out on her, or giving her support when she's needed it, but I guess that was all for nothing.
Well, from there I explain that I am afraid. I am going to be filling the shoes of a 44 year old man and I'm scared. Yet she doesn't see my point and goes off on how I never have to do anything again. Saying how she will do everything because I never help her. Then she goes on about how she won't support me or help me or let me use her car because I can't even help her with Ebay. At this point I am sick of it coming back to Ebay, like Ebay is the one who is ranting to me, like Ebay is the one causing the problem here. She's perfect, it's my fault, or it's Ebay's fault, or it's my father's fault. It's never her fault.
So after many heated words she says how my girlfriend and I will have to find our own ways from now on and so forth because if I can't help her she won't help me. Then she goes on saying how if it has nothing to do with her or nothing that helps her and so on than she won't do it. Which is funny because Brittney and I were going to go on Friday to get cell phones for us and a couple of gifts for my mom. Yet oh no, she's alone and is never thought of.
So yeah, I'm really really sad, I feel like I can never do anything right and I'm useless. So after everything I'm left sad and hurt and no one to talk to for another two hours and so on and on and on.
It's funny though, after all was said and done, she came in about 10-20 minutes later asking me to tell her her account numbers and stuff so she could do her Ebay with my brother. Which, I had already sent everything in an email to him because she didn't want my help anymore. So I told her "I sent it to Andrew so you can get it in there." To which she responded, "Good, now stay out of my accounts I don't want you touching them again." As if I had ever stolen from her or I was a thief or something.
So I wish them the best and I hope that he finds it easier than I did, because if not, then God help them and their relationship. I know he didn't ours.
But yeah, so now I'm lost and sad and I don't know what to do. I try to help her and I take the spot as man of the house but it's never good enough. I wish I could move out.
--Branden
My parents are going through a divorce. I have two brother, one older and one younger. My older brother is a full-time student, my younger, going into the third grade.
My mother is super depressed, and I'm the only one who supports her. I talk her down I cheer her up, and I even rub her back when her back hurts.
My father is a hard working man who is sometimes a bit... off track... and doesn't do things perfect I guess you could say.
So they are fed up with each other and splitting. My mom says it's because of his abuse, my father, because he can't stand her. Even though he's tried to help fix it multiple times yet she is unwilling to back down.
I out of my two bothers am the only one trying, willing, and prepared to work. Which, I have been trying to get a job for a while now, but to no avail due to my age and places not needing help.
My mom has sold things on Ebay and it turned out bad between us. She'd blame me and say I never helped her and she had to wait for me when in reality I was waiting for her to pick what to sell and start writing descriptions, as she's not tech savvy. Well, instead of working with me and writing descriptions and getting stuff prepared, she'd blame me and say how I should go out with camera in hand and ask her what she wanted to sell. If that were the case I'd have to wait for her to find her stuff, grab it out, take pictures, re-size the pictures, write the descriptions, host the images to get around them costing more and then posting the listing, then print out the address and receipts of her transactions. And yes, it's happened before.
So we have fought about it before, as I hate feeling used by my own mother. However she's never learned. So for "the past week" I guess she has been saying that we should get stuff on Ebay so she can have some extra money for food and such. Well, I didn't have a problem with it. I told her, "Ok, get out what you want, start the descriptions, and then I can get it on the computer." Yet she never did a thing.
So today she began to fly off of her depressed handle and just go off saying how I do nothing for her and so on. I ignore it for a while, trying to not start trouble but she begins finding me and taking it out on me and how I never support her, and I am never there for her, regardless of the times I helped pull her through and try to make her feel ok.
At this time I just in the shower to try and just clear my head, but all that I can do is break down at how sad my life is. I mean hell, Ebay of all things is causing trouble.
After cleaning up I come out to her consistent ranting and raving, sadly not the cool raving, and she begins to keep going off on me. So I finally snap.
I in an angry stupor begin to fight back verbally, trying to explain that it was her I was waiting for, and that I shouldn't have to do things alone. However she just keeps putting me down and expressing how I never help her and so on and on and on and on and on...
On we go, yapping and so on but she just won't get it through her head. So finally I begin to break down and I start trying to explain that I am going through a lot too, saying how she's not the only one who is stressed, and she's not the only one who can't sleep and that she's not the only one sad and scared, all of which she is rolling her eyes to. Finally I say, "You're not the only one who feels pain and wishes they could die." To which she replies "Shhh Branden, just SHHHHHH. Whatever."
At this point my head and heart ache like I had been hurt, yet she continues to never understand that it's not that I don't want to help her with Ebay, and it not that I don't want to help around the house, it's just that I'm stressed and I don't want to feel like I'm alone doing everything. To which she replies how she is alone and has no one. Which, really really hurts me because I've been there for her my entire life, helping my father so he wouldn't take his anger out on her, or giving her support when she's needed it, but I guess that was all for nothing.
Well, from there I explain that I am afraid. I am going to be filling the shoes of a 44 year old man and I'm scared. Yet she doesn't see my point and goes off on how I never have to do anything again. Saying how she will do everything because I never help her. Then she goes on about how she won't support me or help me or let me use her car because I can't even help her with Ebay. At this point I am sick of it coming back to Ebay, like Ebay is the one who is ranting to me, like Ebay is the one causing the problem here. She's perfect, it's my fault, or it's Ebay's fault, or it's my father's fault. It's never her fault.
So after many heated words she says how my girlfriend and I will have to find our own ways from now on and so forth because if I can't help her she won't help me. Then she goes on saying how if it has nothing to do with her or nothing that helps her and so on than she won't do it. Which is funny because Brittney and I were going to go on Friday to get cell phones for us and a couple of gifts for my mom. Yet oh no, she's alone and is never thought of.
So yeah, I'm really really sad, I feel like I can never do anything right and I'm useless. So after everything I'm left sad and hurt and no one to talk to for another two hours and so on and on and on.
It's funny though, after all was said and done, she came in about 10-20 minutes later asking me to tell her her account numbers and stuff so she could do her Ebay with my brother. Which, I had already sent everything in an email to him because she didn't want my help anymore. So I told her "I sent it to Andrew so you can get it in there." To which she responded, "Good, now stay out of my accounts I don't want you touching them again." As if I had ever stolen from her or I was a thief or something.
So I wish them the best and I hope that he finds it easier than I did, because if not, then God help them and their relationship. I know he didn't ours.
But yeah, so now I'm lost and sad and I don't know what to do. I try to help her and I take the spot as man of the house but it's never good enough. I wish I could move out.
--Branden
They both mean a ton to me and even just going through this, even at 17, really fucking hurts. I know that when my dad moves out it will all change and I don't think him and I will cross paths for a long time, unless by mistake. It makes me sad, but it's also making me realize how much I love him, but also how much he's done. I know he's never been perfect and he's always been abusive, but he stopped that. Sure he's a dick, but he always gets the job done, and to see all these past things thrown up really blows. Especially, anyone who knows me, knows I'm not a very strong person mentally. I am when it comes to actions and doing things, but emotionally, I can't deal with stress or things like this very well at all. But, neither can my mom, so maybe it's learned.
