My apology to the keypicking community
Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 5:03 pmElbow and members of keypicking,
If it’s ok, I would like to take this chance to apologize to you and explain my past actions and current attitude.
Tomorrow I graduate from my police academy. It’s the first thing I’ve been able to finish since I got out of the Marine Corps in 2009. Since then, I’ve been through more than 20 jobs, a failed wedding engagement, and sunk to $4,000 in debt. But I believe this academy helped me in a lot of ways.
When I came onto keypicking, I had no friends, no job, and no direction in life. I think I saw keypicking as a community of people, that have a rare hobby in common, and I was able to express my problems to this community because I had something in common with them. But I had no limit to my expression, and I had no maturity in my actions towards the other members of the community.
In my personal life, I moved to Texas, to join the army, as I saw myself as a failure to civilian society. My personal life took over my words on the internet, and started to separate the members of the only society that understood me and allowed me to be myself. A failure to society or not, the members of keypicking didn’t judge me or hold it against me. They supported me in any and all future and past endeavors.
When nobody at work thanked me for my service to my country on Veterans Day, Hallis and you, and many other members of keypicking were always there to say thank you to me. When I had no job, no income, and no locks to pick, to enjoy this rare hobby, people from around the world, UK, Texas, Utah, Australia, sent me their personal picks, and locks, just so I could be a part of their community, just so I could feel like I was not ignored, but cared for.
2 months ago, I took myself to a hospital on 3 different occasions, suffering from the symptoms of a heart attack. Only to learn I have a rare stomach condition, that does not allow me to eat beef, processed meats, fruits and acidic foods. My blood pressure was averaging Stage 1 hypertension, 150/115, and I was a few hamburgers away from heart failure. I had to change my lifestyle and fast. First by not eating the shit I was used to stuffing down my face, second by daily exercise, third by finding a way to vent my PTSD and anxiety in a healthy manor. There is an anger management clinic I want to go to in Lubbock, but its 45 miles away, so it’s not a viable option right now.
However, I did get a girl friend. We have been together for exactly 3 months now, and we haven’t even had an argument yet. I plan on marrying her. I also, with proper diet, lowered my blood pressure 30 points. I average 118/79 and sometimes as low as 100/69 in the mornings. I take a water pill that helps push the water out of my system so my heart doesn’t have to pump as hard.
It seems my life is looking up, I have a girlfriend, I’ve lost some weight, my heart is better, my anxiety is doing better, my ptsd has been manageable, I’m still broke and will still be most likely joining the military life again, but all in all I’m happy with myself. And it is only at this time, would I even consider asking for the opportunity to rejoin the keypicking community.
When I look back on my situation with you Elbow, I feel that I never spoke an ill word of you, not even in private. I always looked up to you. I always enjoyed your posts and the tools you built for members of the community. It was only when talking to a female, and you giving a good suggestion to back off, did I become embarrassed and ashamed of my actions, to the point that it turned into aggression. In defense, I believe I was being tricked into saying things that I would regret, or normally not confide in the company of other members on keypicking. But If I was being overbearing to a female, and did not recognize it, what was said to me needed to be said, even if it took me a month to see clearly what had happened.
After my banishment, I spoke with another member about my circumstances, expressed my disgust for you and other members, and I feel was then again, tricked into saying things I eventually regreted.
I talked to that individual about retribution and retaliation on the key picking community. But after about 3 emails to that person, and a week of banishment, I realized that it wasn’t the keypicking community that banned me, I banned me, my actions banned me. I have since, not spoken a word to that member, even though he has attempted to contact me.
I believe I have learned to walk away from a confrontation. I believe I have learned to turn the other cheek. It is easier said than done, but I believe, what I have accomplished in the past 6 months, has given me not only the skills to succeed in a civilian society, but it’s a new lifestyle that I put into practice on a day to day basis. I feel almost reformed, after losing the only thing that accepted me, and woke up the next day with nothing, to being a graduating peace officer, and having the confidence to be a productive citizen of society.
I no longer have a fear that I will fail. I no longer have a fear that I will express my anger to people around me. I believe I no longer pose as a threat or nuisance to the community of keypicking.
I’m sorry for my past behaviors, and I apologize for my personal choice of words to you and every member I have offended in the community of keypicking.
It is my wish I be given yet another chance, to be a part of your community and in time, give back to those that have given so much to me.
If you chose to decide it is not in the best interest of the community, to accept me back, I understand, and will hold no grudge. This apology is something that needed to be done regardless of your decision, and any decisions made from the members of keypicking.
Sincerely,
ahab
Aka sandman
PS. I would also like to take this time to separately apologize to Ayoue. You had a problem with me, and instead of me apologizing for my actions to you, I geeked out on you, cursed at you, and personally attacked you on youtube. I hope you will be able to understand my new level of maturity, and forgive me, give me a second chance, and allow me to be the friend I know I can be.
If it’s ok, I would like to take this chance to apologize to you and explain my past actions and current attitude.
Tomorrow I graduate from my police academy. It’s the first thing I’ve been able to finish since I got out of the Marine Corps in 2009. Since then, I’ve been through more than 20 jobs, a failed wedding engagement, and sunk to $4,000 in debt. But I believe this academy helped me in a lot of ways.
When I came onto keypicking, I had no friends, no job, and no direction in life. I think I saw keypicking as a community of people, that have a rare hobby in common, and I was able to express my problems to this community because I had something in common with them. But I had no limit to my expression, and I had no maturity in my actions towards the other members of the community.
In my personal life, I moved to Texas, to join the army, as I saw myself as a failure to civilian society. My personal life took over my words on the internet, and started to separate the members of the only society that understood me and allowed me to be myself. A failure to society or not, the members of keypicking didn’t judge me or hold it against me. They supported me in any and all future and past endeavors.
When nobody at work thanked me for my service to my country on Veterans Day, Hallis and you, and many other members of keypicking were always there to say thank you to me. When I had no job, no income, and no locks to pick, to enjoy this rare hobby, people from around the world, UK, Texas, Utah, Australia, sent me their personal picks, and locks, just so I could be a part of their community, just so I could feel like I was not ignored, but cared for.
2 months ago, I took myself to a hospital on 3 different occasions, suffering from the symptoms of a heart attack. Only to learn I have a rare stomach condition, that does not allow me to eat beef, processed meats, fruits and acidic foods. My blood pressure was averaging Stage 1 hypertension, 150/115, and I was a few hamburgers away from heart failure. I had to change my lifestyle and fast. First by not eating the shit I was used to stuffing down my face, second by daily exercise, third by finding a way to vent my PTSD and anxiety in a healthy manor. There is an anger management clinic I want to go to in Lubbock, but its 45 miles away, so it’s not a viable option right now.
However, I did get a girl friend. We have been together for exactly 3 months now, and we haven’t even had an argument yet. I plan on marrying her. I also, with proper diet, lowered my blood pressure 30 points. I average 118/79 and sometimes as low as 100/69 in the mornings. I take a water pill that helps push the water out of my system so my heart doesn’t have to pump as hard.
It seems my life is looking up, I have a girlfriend, I’ve lost some weight, my heart is better, my anxiety is doing better, my ptsd has been manageable, I’m still broke and will still be most likely joining the military life again, but all in all I’m happy with myself. And it is only at this time, would I even consider asking for the opportunity to rejoin the keypicking community.
When I look back on my situation with you Elbow, I feel that I never spoke an ill word of you, not even in private. I always looked up to you. I always enjoyed your posts and the tools you built for members of the community. It was only when talking to a female, and you giving a good suggestion to back off, did I become embarrassed and ashamed of my actions, to the point that it turned into aggression. In defense, I believe I was being tricked into saying things that I would regret, or normally not confide in the company of other members on keypicking. But If I was being overbearing to a female, and did not recognize it, what was said to me needed to be said, even if it took me a month to see clearly what had happened.
After my banishment, I spoke with another member about my circumstances, expressed my disgust for you and other members, and I feel was then again, tricked into saying things I eventually regreted.
I talked to that individual about retribution and retaliation on the key picking community. But after about 3 emails to that person, and a week of banishment, I realized that it wasn’t the keypicking community that banned me, I banned me, my actions banned me. I have since, not spoken a word to that member, even though he has attempted to contact me.
I believe I have learned to walk away from a confrontation. I believe I have learned to turn the other cheek. It is easier said than done, but I believe, what I have accomplished in the past 6 months, has given me not only the skills to succeed in a civilian society, but it’s a new lifestyle that I put into practice on a day to day basis. I feel almost reformed, after losing the only thing that accepted me, and woke up the next day with nothing, to being a graduating peace officer, and having the confidence to be a productive citizen of society.
I no longer have a fear that I will fail. I no longer have a fear that I will express my anger to people around me. I believe I no longer pose as a threat or nuisance to the community of keypicking.
I’m sorry for my past behaviors, and I apologize for my personal choice of words to you and every member I have offended in the community of keypicking.
It is my wish I be given yet another chance, to be a part of your community and in time, give back to those that have given so much to me.
If you chose to decide it is not in the best interest of the community, to accept me back, I understand, and will hold no grudge. This apology is something that needed to be done regardless of your decision, and any decisions made from the members of keypicking.
Sincerely,
ahab
Aka sandman
PS. I would also like to take this time to separately apologize to Ayoue. You had a problem with me, and instead of me apologizing for my actions to you, I geeked out on you, cursed at you, and personally attacked you on youtube. I hope you will be able to understand my new level of maturity, and forgive me, give me a second chance, and allow me to be the friend I know I can be.